I asked one of our brave participants and friends if I could share part of her miscarriage story with the internet. This is for anyone who still needs to go through the grieving process they have been putting off so long.
When this heartbreaking moment occurred in her life she picked up everything she had and moved to a new city. She cried a little, but stopped herself. Never dealing with the range of emotions she felt at the time, too busy packing, too busy looking for a new place and just keeping herself busy. Until she crashed into a common ground, many people who come to take ayahuasca go through.
You cannot ignore the natural grieving process, sweep it under the rug or keep it under wraps. Or any emotional process for that matter.
Everything being new and different in her new place and was enough to distract her for some time. Some time being seven months after her miscarriage, then emotions began popping up it started with little outbursts. She got in a verbal argument with a co-worker over something miniscule. She became anxious and avoided leaving her house or answering the phone at times. Until in one fail swoop it all came crashing down. Her alarm went off in the morning to tell her to go to work to continue on with the distractions and when she went to get out of bed, she fell to the floor. She dropped to her knees and began crying, could not move and cried for an entire week.
After she got back up she knew it was time to deal with the whole range of emotions she had been keeping secret, drinking down, zoning out and stashing away. She found, unfortunately in our modern world compassion and empathy seemed to be dwindling all around her and yet she was still in pain. Being hit with such grief late down the road was met with judgements, doubt, avoidance and rejections. With the trust of her intuition she decided to look deeper into herself to heal instead of outward.
Ayahuasca called her and she answered the call. Upon her return home she told me the most beautiful thing and I knew the mother spirit was working within her and she had healed the deep wounds from her miscarriage. She said about returning, everyone is still here, but they have moved on and changed. Everyone moves on, because at its most simple the life force all around us continues moving on and on and that is beautiful.
Taking ayahuasca with us in Peru helped her understand there is deep love in grief and it is meant to be felt, even through the hurt there is help. Anyone can change their story to make a new ending with the right inner guidance.
It is important to feel the hurt in life and only from there can we begin to heal ourselves.